You guys, Wayne Rooney was way ahead of us on this one, like, light years ahead of us.
On Saturday, video emerged of Wayne Rooney boxing in his kitchen with Stoke City’s Phil Bardsley. Aside from confirming every stereotype about Rooney and Stoke that there is, the video included footage of Rooney apparently getting knocked out. As in splayed out on the floor, completely out cold knocked out.
This footage didn’t exactly color us shocked. Anyone that knows Rooney knows that he’s about as out of place in a brawl as a shark in water. The fact that he got cold cocked so badly was a little surprising, but isn’t any knockout?
Of course, because Rooney is a celebrity, the video went viral, and by the time Rooney’s Manchester United faced off against Tottenham the following Sunday morning the whole of the soccer world had heard about or seen the images of Rooney lying motionless on his kitchen floor. That’s not exactly the kind of tone you want to play under, but Rooney proved once again that he is a man with notoriously few f***s to give.
We present, “How to Shut Up the Haters by Wayne Rooney.”
Rooney has long been known as a world class player, but people always seem to think that he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. We advise anyone who thinks that to consider what he managed to pull off here in one fall swoop; he laughed at himself, showed that he doesn’t care what any one thinks of him, and celebrated all at the same time.
The man played the entire situation perfectly, and we still haven’t told the whole story. It turns out that the whole boxing video was an act. The video reportedly cuts just short of him jumping up off the floor with a smile on his face, having a laugh with everyone else in the room. Which means that for one weekend Rooney was probably one of the cleverest people in the world.
While we were all busy laughing at him and watching him getting knocked out over and over again, he was probably already finished choreographing his celebration. For a man that has been described as not knowing what he does on the field, he certainly knew what he was doing here.
Chances are he didn’t plan out the whole charade from knockout to in-game knockout, but he rolled with the punches like a pro once they came.
