England

Zlatan Ibrahimovic frequently plays at being a conquerer, emperor and god while discussing his career. He’s discussed how his favorite movie is Gladiator, because he feels that, like Maximus Decimus Meridius, he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

“That’s how I felt, or wanted to feel,” said Ibrahimovic in his book, I Am Zlatan. “I wanted to stand up to the whole world and show everybody who’d doubted me who I really was, and I couldn’t imagine anyone who’d be able to stop me.”

The UEFA Team of the Year shortlist has been released. Most of the usual suspects are there (Manuel Neuer is a rather glaring omission). Lionel Messi is there. Neymar is there. Cristiano Ronaldo, Luis Suarez and Gareth Bale are there.

And, um, so is Joe Allen.

Yes that Joe Allen.

Give me hope Joe Allen pic.twitter.com/8HumWPwaNg

Eden Hazard keeps getting linked with bigger clubs, but the Chelsea attacker is happy where he's at right now.

In an interview with the Guardian, Hazard made his intentions clear: “If I ever leave, it’ll be after winning a championship.”

Let's start by saying that by no way or means do we endorse any sort of substance abuse. And yet, it is hard to argue with the argument Jurgen Klopp put forward when he was asked a question regarding Wayne Rooney reportedly being drunk at a wedding. 

We haven't seen this much magic since J.K. Rowling wrapped up her 7-book series.

In a stunning last-minute victory, Tottenham scored two goals in four minutes to steal three points from West Ham in today's London Derby.

To be fair, it was two different Harrys who left West Ham standing around, stunned, looking like a bunch of muggles at the end of the match. 

In the early minutes of the second half, it was 20-year-old Harry Winks who created some magic as he put away his first Premier League goal in his Premier League debut:

Bastian Schweinsteiger is not having a good year. We think. It's hard to be sure. We haven't seen much of him, really. Schweimsteiger hasn't appeared for Manchester United yet this season, and most people don't think that'll change.

Bastian Schweinsteiger, though, isn't most people. He's Bastian Schweinsteiger, and he's ready for action whenever Jose Mourinho needs him.

From ESPNFC:

Steven Gerrard, 36, made it clear at the beginning of 2016 that it would likely be his last year as a player. That statement is now on the verge of coming true. 

His contract with the Galaxy is up, and he’s announced that his MLS career is over. Gerrard, the former captain of Liverpool, has always been a larger than life figure. He could always be counted on to deliver at clutch moments, but he’s also been hindered by a sporting egotism that often left supporters feeling let down.

OK, so here's what happened: Wayne Rooney got a night off from England duty after the Three Lions beat Scotland, and he ended up at a wedding reception where he was photographed looking like a very drunk person and also he reportedly played the piano nonsensically.

He is sorry.

Wayne Rooney gatecrashes a wedding in severe drunk condition.. Guests SHOCKED!
https://t.co/CAgBJttpzN pic.twitter.com/6Ad9XsaH8C

Dating back to December of 2004, it’s been a miserly stretch of 13 games for Arsene Wenger against his old nemesis, Jose Mourinho. It’s not just the inability to defeat the former Chelsea manager that must irk Wenger, but the style with which Mourinho has gone about stymying his Arsenal sides.

With England and Spain both enjoying comfortable starts to their World Cup qualifying campaigns (England sit atop Group F, Spain Group G), the two nations played out a meaningless, feel good friendly at Wembley Stadium on Tuesday. The real battle was played without the football, as both teams submitted their entries to the mannequin challenge.