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New Year's Resolutions From The Biggest Names In Soccer

In celebration of the new year, we thought it would be fun to go around to the biggest names in soccer and ask them what their New Year's resolutions were. Unfortunately, none of the biggest names in soccer were available. So we made their resolutions up.

Sepp Blatter

"I don't have a New Year's resolution. My life is perfect and I am still the president of everybody—HEY! What are you doing with those handcuffs? Get away from me!"

Daniel Sturridge

Cristiano Scored Another Sweet Volley

We don't know what was crazier in today's match between Real Madrid and Sociedad. It was either this volley by Cristiano Ronaldo or the fact that CR7 missed the target for the first time in 55 La Liga attempts. Nonetheless, both feats involved the great Cristiano Ronaldo and both are equally impressive. Obviously it's not impressive that he missed a PK, but it's absurd that the 30-year-old megastar MISSED THE TARGET FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LA LIGA IN 55 ATTEMPTS. DID YOU HEAR US? Death, taxes and CR7 putting PKs on frame. Now, back to CR7's volley.

Raul Jimenez Scored A Nasty Last-Minute Winner For Benfica

Benfica have pretty much dominated the Taça da Liga, a.k.a. the Portuguese League Cup, winning six times since the tournament's inception in 2008, including last year. They took another step toward defending their title Tuesday when an 89th minute Raul Jimenez winner gave them all three points in the group stage (yes, Portugal's league cup has a group stage) against Nacional.

18-Year-Old Liverpool Loanee Scores Wonder Goal

Liverpool fans will be pleased to know that one of their young prospects is scoring goals that remind us of Neymar. Yes, THAT Neymar goal came to mind when we saw Sergi Canos score this beauty for Brentford FC. The 18-year-old Spaniard played youth soccer for Barcelona for three years before moving to England to sign a deal with Liverpool at the tender age of 16. This season the Reds loaned Canos to Brentford FC where the youngster has 3 goals in 17 appearances.

He Signed A Dream Contract With Barcelona. It Was All Over In A Matter Of Hours

Sergi Guardiola is 24 years old, which is certainly old enough to know that nowadays potential employers always check out your social media accounts for bad stuff.

This is why every college and career counselor ever tells you to make sure your social media accounts are either squeaky clean or uber-private before you apply for jobs, to make sure your reputation isn't damaged in the eyes of potential employers.

Guardiola, it appears, has never talked to a career counselor (we don't even know if European footballers have that sort of thing), because he went from this:

Paul Pogba Dabbed With Messi And It Was Awesome

Paul Pogba and Lionel Messi hung out in Dubai because they are awesome. And Paul Pogba dabbed.

If you are unfamiliar with what "dabbing" is, it's the latest popular sports celebration dance, popularized by Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton, that makes old white people very nervous and spawns comments like this from them:

Rabona's Are Cool, Even If It's In Training

Is there a prettier goal than a rabona goal? The answer is no. The skillful move is one of beauty and nonchalantness. The pros make it look so easy but it isn't. Laurent Koscielny was just fooling around in Arsenal training at the Emirates and saw the camera was on him. What does a baller do when the lights are on him? He performs obviously. After a series of little tricks, Koscielny rips a rabona into the upper 90 from about 15-18 feet like it's nothing. 

3 Keys To Mesut Ozil’s Greatest Assists Of All Time

How do you win a title with a centre-forward who is widely regarded as not world-class, a revolving door in midfield because of a perpetual vicious cycle of injuries and rehabilitation, a rookie full-back and a squad so shallow that every manager in the world can name the starting XI? You buy Mesut Ozil and let him get on with it; at least, that seems to be the Arsene Wenger approach.

Walcott or Toure? Who's Goal Was Better?

There are three things that are certain in this world. Death, taxes and that Mesut Ozil will register an assist whenever he steps on the pitch. In Monday's 2-1 victory over Manchester City, Ozil chalked up assists on both Gunner goals bringing his total for the 2015 EPL campaign to 15! The next highest assist total in the league is 7, which is held by Everton's Gerard Deulofeu. Now that we gave props to Ozil's ridiculous assist numbers, we go onto the real discussion of this Amazing Goals post. Which goal was better between Theo Walcott's and Yaya Toure's?

Watch Hector Herrera's Zlatan-esque Flick Goal

Hector Herrera appears to be rounding into form, which is a good thing for Porto.

Look at what he did to Academica on Sunday:

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