Humor

MLS Rankings Of Power: Midseason Special, Broh

You probably didn’t notice, but the MLS Rankings of Power went on a long hiatus. It went off into the woods, swallowed a cocktail of hallucinogenics, found a small passage in a dense thicket and wormed its way into a little clearing in the shrubbery. There, it pondered the value of power, the capacity for channeling such robust faculties and the question of how to then present it to the people in a safe for consumption listicle format.

How Would Modern Teams Line Up In Century-Old Formations?

When the first international football match was played in 1872, the tactics and formations used were completely foreign to what modern soccer coaches employ. Seven forwards, one defender? Not even a team of 5-year-olds would consider a lineup like that these days. 

But how would modern teams look if they decided to turn back the clock and utilize ancient tactics?

The 3 Most Astonishingly Bad Penalty Kicks Ever

A spot kick. It’s from 12 yards out. You can either place it or go for power or just close your eyes and hope. Either way, the goalkeeper is at a massive disadvantage. There’s not much more to it than that. You should try to keep it simple, stupid.

But here are three instances when, for whatever reason, the penalty taker managed to get it all horribly wrong. These are the 3 worst penalties ever taken. 

The 3 Worst Penalty Kicks Ever

The MLS All-Star Game Would Have Been Much Better If Ronaldo Had Been There

The MLS All-Star Game could have been so much better. Not that it wasn't great. Well, it actually wasn't great, now that we mention it. It was mostly forgettable soccer, various Real Madrid 19-year-olds dinking around old and slow MLS All-Stars, shooting from distance and missing.

But it could have been so much better.

For one, Cristiano Ronaldo should have been there. He wasn't there, because he is so famous he takes personal pre-season publicity tours while his teammates have to share one among themselves. Cristiano's pre-season tour was in southeast Asia.

Watch Danny Welbeck Make The Most Absurd Assists You’ll Ever See

Some players just have a gift. The ability to see a play develop before it happens. The audacity to attempt maneuvers others wouldn’t dare to try. The composure to pull off moves with the weight of the world watching. 

Danny Welbeck, as this recent highlight video shows, is one of those supremely talented footballers who just stands above the rest.

Here's What Happens When You Stand In Front Of A Roberto Carlos Free Kick

It’s not an exaggeration to say that Roberto Carlos scored the greatest free kick ever. By extension, was he the greatest free kick specialist of all-time? Absolutely not. His ability to absolutely crush the ball into a banana curve defied logic and was rumored capable of killing a cow, but his penchant for violence over accuracy meant that many dead balls reached Row Z of Real Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeu.

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