Videos

It’s very, very rare that Messi is surprised by something on the pitch.

So you can imagine how I reacted to seeing him bring his hands up to his face in disbelief after having his shot saved. The fact that someone stopped his shot in the first place would have been surprising enough, but when I realized that that “someone” was actually a “something,” I was just as overcome as he was.

I have no idea what the machine is called, and I have no idea what I would name it. Messi Stopper 3000 sounds cheesy; Keeperly is too cliche.

The candidates for this year’s Puskas Award for the goal of the year have wasted no time in making their presence known, and even less time in blowing our minds. 

Tell me, what first comes to your head when I say, “Back heel chipped goal?”

Personally, I think of a forward facing away from goal who somehow manages to use his heel like a sand wedge and pop the ball over the keeper. This image looks very painful, and leaves me fairly certain that you would have to break your heel in the process of scoring such a goal in order to, you know, actually score it. 

Look, this happened in a U-14 game, which puts us squarely on the fence between feeling bad for a child making a mistake and laughing at him for not knowing the rules for penalty shootouts.

So, your choices for reactions are: that cocky little bastard got what he deserved, or someone give that kid a hug and a teddy bear.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

Real Madrid fans have a reputation for being spoiled, let’s just get that out of the way. If you are a Real Madrid fan and you consider yourself not to be spoiled, chances are you are either lying or oblivious, because a massive, massive part Real Madrid’s fan base is known to boo Gareth Bale, the man that did this and this for the club, just like it booed Karim Benzema before him.

The new FIFA 16 trailer is out, and it features a very special narrator: Pele. Pele, for those of you who don't know (and maybe found this site by accident, since it's all about soccer?) is the best player of all time. 

Pele muses about the beauty of the beautiful game, and we get some shots of FIFA gameplay showing that beauty, like Messi scoring an amazing goal and Diego Costa getting into a shoving match with Jordan Henderson.

Will the real FIFA 16 be filled with as much beauty as this trailer? Only Pele knows.

John Oliver made a promise to FIFA sponsors Adidas, McDonald's and Budweiser: if Sepp Blatter resigned, Oliver would wear a pair of ridiculous Adidas shoes, take a bite out of every item on the McDonald's dollar menu and drink a Bud Light Lime and say it was delicious. 

John Oliver, evidently, is a man of his word, because he did all of those things, even chugging the whole Bud Light Lime while the studio audience cheered him on.

John Oliver and Jack Warner have been putting on quite the show lately. Warner, you'll recall, is the former CONCACAF head and FIFA executive vice-president who is accused of taking a $10 million bribe, and has claimed he has documents that will make the s***hammer come down on FIFA's head. Warner bragged about these documents on Trinidad and Tobagan TV, so John Oliver bought airtime on the same TV station to ask Warner to release the documents.

Beating a defender in soccer is addicting. It’s addicting to pull off, and addicting to watch. When your team is up, it honestly can become the sole purpose of playing — what’s the point of scoring another goal when you already are up 5? You are trying to embarrass the other team, and they know that you are trying to embarrass them. Solid tackles and clever nutmegs become infinitely more important than perfectly weighted passes and disciplined positioning. Pretty soon your team is cheering a sweet move more than goal.

Ther Netherlands, Belgium and Switzerland all have loads of young talent. Are these the world-class teams of the future? Let's take a look:

Netherlands

Dutch soccer has surged in recent years and made it back to 1970s levels, when the Netherlands football team finished runner-up in two consecutive world cups. Now, over three decades later, Dutch soccer is back to glorious times.

Yikes. Seattle Sounders 2's Sergio Mota did a bad thing. A really bad thing. The bad thing he did was kicking LA Galaxy II's Adrian Vera in his crotch with both feet. Mota was rightly sent off, although that probably won't stop Vera from seeming a little jumpy and talking in a high-pitched voice than usual for the forseeable future. Getting hit in the nuts hurts. Getting kicked in the nuts, with two, cleated feet, must be the worst feeling in the world. Adrian Vera is pretty damn tough if he kept playing after that.