Videos

The new FIFA 16 trailer is out, and it features a very special narrator: Pele. Pele, for those of you who don't know (and maybe found this site by accident, since it's all about soccer?) is the best player of all time. 

Pele muses about the beauty of the beautiful game, and we get some shots of FIFA gameplay showing that beauty, like Messi scoring an amazing goal and Diego Costa getting into a shoving match with Jordan Henderson.

Will the real FIFA 16 be filled with as much beauty as this trailer? Only Pele knows.

John Oliver made a promise to FIFA sponsors Adidas, McDonald's and Budweiser: if Sepp Blatter resigned, Oliver would wear a pair of ridiculous Adidas shoes, take a bite out of every item on the McDonald's dollar menu and drink a Bud Light Lime and say it was delicious. 

John Oliver, evidently, is a man of his word, because he did all of those things, even chugging the whole Bud Light Lime while the studio audience cheered him on.

John Oliver and Jack Warner have been putting on quite the show lately. Warner, you'll recall, is the former CONCACAF head and FIFA executive vice-president who is accused of taking a $10 million bribe, and has claimed he has documents that will make the s***hammer come down on FIFA's head. Warner bragged about these documents on Trinidad and Tobagan TV, so John Oliver bought airtime on the same TV station to ask Warner to release the documents.

Beating a defender in soccer is addicting. It’s addicting to pull off, and addicting to watch. When your team is up, it honestly can become the sole purpose of playing — what’s the point of scoring another goal when you already are up 5? You are trying to embarrass the other team, and they know that you are trying to embarrass them. Solid tackles and clever nutmegs become infinitely more important than perfectly weighted passes and disciplined positioning. Pretty soon your team is cheering a sweet move more than goal.

Ther Netherlands, Belgium and Switzerland all have loads of young talent. Are these the world-class teams of the future? Let's take a look:

Netherlands

Dutch soccer has surged in recent years and made it back to 1970s levels, when the Netherlands football team finished runner-up in two consecutive world cups. Now, over three decades later, Dutch soccer is back to glorious times.

Yikes. Seattle Sounders 2's Sergio Mota did a bad thing. A really bad thing. The bad thing he did was kicking LA Galaxy II's Adrian Vera in his crotch with both feet. Mota was rightly sent off, although that probably won't stop Vera from seeming a little jumpy and talking in a high-pitched voice than usual for the forseeable future. Getting hit in the nuts hurts. Getting kicked in the nuts, with two, cleated feet, must be the worst feeling in the world. Adrian Vera is pretty damn tough if he kept playing after that.

If it is hard out here for a pimp, then it must be truly cruel to be a defender. It’s their job to stand between some of the most talented people in the world and their goal: the goal. Needless to say, it doesn’t always end well. Defenders get nutmegged, dragged out of position, yelled at by fans and teammates alike, and lambasted by the media on a weekly basis. When they are good, people hardly notice them. It’s a thankless job.

FIFA communications director Walter De Gregorio appeared on Swiss television and told a joke. After that, he didn't have a job anymore. The Joke?

"FIFA President Sepp Blatter, the General Secretary, and the Communications Director are in a car. Who is driving? The police."

John Oliver took out about four minutes of air-time in Trinidad & Tobago to try to coerce Jack Warner, a native of the islands and former FIFA executive, to turn over incriminating documents to the feds. Warner, who has served as a FIFA Vice President and head of CONCACAF, had bought a similar slice of airtime on the same station to threaten the release of the documents. 

Basically, Oliver made a TV commercial to the effect of, "Do it! Do it!"

A Romanian child in a youth game scored a goal that reminded many of a certain diminutive Argentine.