WTF

El Salvador’s Henry Romero Becomes A Legend Of Gold Cup Erotica

The United States are through to the Gold Cup semifinals, but the real story on Wednesday night was the erotic interplay between USMNT striker Jozy Altidore and his tight man-to-man marker, El Salvador’s Henry Romero.

The City of Brotherly Love was truly feeling the heat yesterday evening as Romero pinched and twisted Altidore’s nipple and took a nice little chomp on his shoulder for good measure. Romero was booked in the 81st minute, but he kept Altidore off the scoresheet for 90 minutes, so mission accomplished.

The Dark History Of El Salvador-USA

Right this minute, El Salvador and the USMNT are gearing up to play in a crucial Gold Cup quarterfinal match. The U.S. are clear favorites for this game, ranked the 35th best team in the world while El Salvador is 101st. In the 21 times the two have met, El Salvador have never beaten the U.S, losing 17 and drawing four. 

Diego Costa, In Exuberant “Screw You!” Phase Of Chelsea Break Up, Parties In Atletico Shirt

Earlier this summer, Diego Costa broke Chelsea fans’ hearts everywhere when he confirmed that he was not in manager Antonio Conte’s plans for next season. However, according to the Brazilian/Spanish forward, the news was not relayed to him in the typical office-sit-down sort of chat. Rather, Conte reportedly told Costa his fate via text message.

The Mexico National Team Uses Delta Airlines, Flies In The Face Of Ann Coulter's Rage

Ann Coulter can add another thing to be angry about: the Mexican national soccer team. 

Arsenal Fan’s Alexandre Lacazette Tattoo Is A Real Bummer

There’s probably some moral to this story, like be careful what you wish for or think before you tweet. What matters is an Arsenal fan has a tattoo of the Gunners’ big new signing that looks more like a certain former Tottenham striker.

Less than two weeks ago, Arsenal signed Alexandre Lacazette from Lyon, five days after @sxmleach tweeted he would get a tattoo of Lacazette’s face if Arsene Wenger actually managed to bring the French forward to North London. 

Southampton Trolls Everyone With Most Amazing Announcement Video Yet

OK, it’s over, we’re calling it now.

All this nonsense over announcement videos for new club signings has reached its peak (nadir?) and will all go downhill from here after Southampton’s entrance into the fray. 

French Guiana Successfully Forfeit The Gold Cup

In an absurd first for major international tournaments (so you know it’s coming by way of the CONCACAF Gold Cup), a competing nation has knowingly and willingly knocked itself out of the competition.

This Soccer Genetic Testing Commercial Is Unnerving And Also Really Bad

There are a lot of bad commercials which make it on TV. Sometimes, though, a commercial is so bad it becomes good, like life found poetry. 

Soccer Genomics is a company that will test your genes for various soccer-related traits and convey that information back to you so you can make judgments. Soccer Genomics encourages parents to do this for their children because presumably they are insane and think a lot of parents are insane too.

This is an extremely bad commercial. It is also an extremely good commercial.

4 Turkish Players Have Been Banned From Spectating For Beating A Journalist, But They Can Still Play

Imagine you run afoul of the law and the courts deem you worthy of conviction. How would you feel if your punishment was that you weren’t allowed to go to school/work unless you were there for school or work?

Late in the 2016-17 season, four members of Istanbul Başakşehir attacked a journalist. On Monday they received their punishment: they’re banned from attending a soccer match for a full year. 

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