When it comes to the heart-stopping, heartfelt and hilarious moments we love about soccer, we tend to focus on what unfolds on the pitch. It follows logic that a substitution -- an activity occurring on the periphery -- would not warrant much more attention than the obligatory clap that comes with one player's exit, another's entrance and some extra time tacked on to the end of the match.
With most domestic leagues moving towards the use of video evidence to retroactively ban players for simulation and feigning injury, and with the gradual implementation of Video Assistant Referees to stamp out the behavior altogether, football's greatest evil is heading out the door.
However, it’s literally leaving kicking and screaming like a petulant two-year-old that’s been denied viewing one more train on YouTube. The latest, and perhaps greatest, has come from 34-year-old former Serbian international Danko Lazovic in the Hungarian league.
Bastian Schweinsteiger’s comments regarding MLS the other week were less a criticism of the league than a dash of honesty — the Chicago Fire, World Cup hopefuls though they may be, are not as good as Manchester United or Bayern Munich. Dax McCarty isn’t Paul Pogba, David Accam isn’t Arjen Robben and Nemanja Nikolic isn’t Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
Cristiano Ronaldo had a bad miss on Wednesday.
Of course, he also became the all-time leading scorer in Europe's top five leagues. His brace in Real Madrid's crucial victory against Celta Vigo gave him 368 goals in 460 apperances at both Manchester United and Real Madrid.
His missed opportunity at a hat trick also reminded us that even the greatest player's can still be humbled by the game.
The ball goes up, the ball comes down. It flys to Earth without a sound. You make the call, you bike the ball, but that’s because you never know where it will fall.
A bicycle kick own goal as graceful as this deserves poetry — fine poetry. This is a pretty difficult philosophical question: if you could score a goal as great as this but it also had to be an own goal...would you? I think I would. I know I would.
(David Attenborough voice)
Ah, yes, this is the rare Canadian Howler. This creature is exceedingly rare, but when sighted it never disappoints.
lmao pic.twitter.com/vryk1BIjZ4
— nick (@nick_pants) May 11, 2017
We're not in Kansas anymore. Although, from the looks of it, the dust devil that carried away a soccer goal in Lillehammer, Norway might rival a twister in Lawrence, Kansas.
Not that the citizens of Lillehammer seem all that frightened by the dust devil that whirls through the parking lot of a sports facility and then interrupts a soccer match.
In fact, in Norway this type of occurance is known as a "Værfenomen" – literally, weather phenomenon – and the logical thing to do as soon as you spot one is to giggle and jump directly into its path.
Chris Wondolowski: I have missed the worst miss of all the misses! No one could possibly miss a miss worse than my miss!
#JaiLairFunFoin à Wondo.
PS: Je déteste ce joueur. pic.twitter.com/iR1Puyk2v6— Nilton Jorge (@NiltonJorge) April 20, 2017
Unfortunately for Dynamo Dresden’s Aias Aosman, this’ll probably be the best part of his 2016/17 Skills & Goals HD YouTube video. This flying, kneed volley from 18 yards out left his own goalkeeper no chance as it arrowed inside the far post.
What’s even worse for Aosman is that this goal proved to be the difference — Furth defeated Dresden 1-0 on the day. What’s utterly depressing is that this totally destroyed any chance Dresden had of getting promoted to the Bundesliga.