Humor

The official trailer for xXx: Return of Xander Cage has been released. This may not seem like soccer information to you. This is absolutely soccer information.

The sharp decline in Jose Mourinho’s career over the last 12 months is undeniable. As a measure of his drop-off, consider the following: In the Portuguese’s first 130 games as a Premier League manager, he lost just a dozen times. It’s taken him just 25 further matches to double that tally.

Long story short: Belgium is lit.

Royal Antwerp and Tubize were playing in the Belgium Second Division on Sunday, and Antwerp were up 2-0. The ball went out for a goal kick. Tubize's goalie wanted the ball fast, but Antwerp's ballboy was either deliberately timewasting or being lazy.

So this happened:

Ballboy refuses to retrieve the ball, so the goalie gets it himself and throws it at the ballboy's head. pic.twitter.com/QMVO8lMuW1

The post-Sir Alex Ferguson era has hit an all-time low point with the team’s play becoming so boring that it's putting their fans to sleep, sparking a new demand for mattresses and pillows.

Walt Disney used his considerable imagination to dream up things like Mickey Mouse, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Disney World, but he could never have conceived a little magician using sorcery to control objects and unleash all manner of hell on an unsuspecting public. Oh, right — that’s in Fantasia.

Anyway, he could’ve never told the story of an undersized scruff who went to extreme lengths to prove himself while remaining brave and unselfish in the face of never ending obstacles. Dammit, that’s Pinocchio, isn’t it?

Today I learned Prince Albert of Monaco is exactly as athletic as I assumed he was, which is to say he makes Steve McNulty look like LeBron James.

When Falcao suggests that they give Prince Albert of Monaco the match ball... (J + 1) pic.twitter.com/e3dBqD6nLf