Humor

Jadon Sancho Forgets Passport, Delays Borussia Dortmund’s Flight

Undoubtedly, there’s a lot on a player’s mind heading into the day of a massive game.

Especially when that important fixture is a Champions League match. Especially when you are an 18-year-old star shouldering high expectations. Especially when you’re a member of the away club on a homecoming trip to the city you were born and raised in for the first time in your professional career. 

U.S. Soccer Focusing On The Right Things, Makes The One Change I’ve Always Wanted

This is the beginning of a new era for U.S. Soccer. 

On Tuesday, the USSF made the change we’ve all been waiting for. No, I’m not talking abolishing pay-to-play, revamping the development academies or giving the men and women equal pay. I’m talking about something far more important. 

Finally, the world makes sense. 

Finally, U.S. Soccer has seen the light. 

Finally, the USWNT and USMNT Twitter handles are what they should be.

Ronaldo Rips A Half Volley Straight Into His Teammate’s Face, Ending Him

Things are going fine for Cristiano Ronaldo in Italy. On Sunday, the 34-year-old scored his 18th league goal in 23 appearances during Juventus’ 3-0 victory over Sassuolo. Following Napoli’s draw with Fiorentina, the win sees Juve open up an 11-point gap at the top of the table with 15 matches remaining. 

So it’s looking like an eighth straight Scudetto for the Old Lady and a Capocannoniere for Ronaldo as Serie A’s top scorer. Ho-hum. 

Troy Deeney Says Ben Foster Is The Footballer We All Want To Be

Ben Foster is the guy we all want to be.

At least, according to his teammate Troy Deeney.

Ben Foster, Watford’s No. 1 goalkeeper (not to be confused with the American actor of the same name), is fourth in the Premier League in saves with 78, the highest of any Englishman. He’s worked his way through the ranks, having signed by Sir Alex Ferguson from Stoke City in 2005 at the age of 22, only to struggle for top-flight match time. 

This Salt Truck Spinning Out On Ice Is Just Like A Tackle From France Today

Up in Minnesota, the polar vortex came, dropped temperatures to minus-28 degrees and went. Up next was some overnight freezing rain that left everything caked in ice on Monday morning. Some people took the opportunity to play ice hockey in the streets, some went about attempting to fix the situation — I'm talking about that hero the salt truck driver.

But just as we can ask who watches the watchmen, who salts for the saltmen? 

Enjoy The Puppy Bowl? Check Out Atlanta United’s Spin-Off, World Pup

If you’re like the rest of America, you’ve probably got the Puppy Bowl on right now. It’s the 15th edition of the game on Animal Planet, and it’s shaping up to be a real doozy. 

Everton’s Best Player Today Was A Black Cat

Everton hosted Wolverhampton in what could be described as a mid-table six-pointer if anyone cared about positioning in mid table (no one does). Wolves cruised to a 3-1 win as Raúl Jiménez scored his ninth goal of the season. Meanwhile the best player for the Toffees was an evasive Everton cat. 

Rúben Neves converted a seventh-minute penalty, Jiménez headed home just before halftime and Leander Dendoncker finished the match with a follow-up volley in the 66th minute as Wolves moved comfortably into seventh place, five points ahead of Everton. 

Tottenham Ball Boy Draws Watford Yellow Card, Gives Fans A Wink

It’s not unusual for ball boys to become a part of a soccer match, as we’ve highlighted plenty of times before. Who can forget when Eden Hazard kicked an unflinching Swansea lad?

Police Called After Moscow Man Accuses Ghost Of Andrey Arshavin Of Stealing Money

For a couple years, Andrey Arshavin was one of the most exciting footballers in the world. Today, people are asking: Is Arshavin dead?

It’s true Arshavin dropped off the face of the British-centric soccer world when he left Arsenal to return to his native Russia in 2013. He only just retired in December 2018, after a few years with Zenit Saint Petersburg, Kuban Krasnodar and Kairat. That last club plays in the Kazakhstan Premier League, so you’d be excused for not knowing about it, but the Russian winger did score nine goals in 31 league appearances in 2018. 

This Corner Flag Had A Worse Week Than Saints Fans

Burnley did not have a great day at the office on Saturday. The club traveled to the Etihad to play Manchester City in the FA Cup and was routinely routed 5-0. But it was nothing compared to what happened to the poor Man City corner flag.

To no one’s surprise, the Citizens ran rampant, spreading five goals across the 90 minutes and five different goal scorers. The pick of the bunch was Kevin de Bruyne’s blistering shot from about 20 yards out.

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