Humor

If you ever plan on removing your shirt for a goal, then make sure you're not already on a yellow card folks. Here's a prime example of why.

With the score tied at 2-2 in the 69th minute, Atlanta United 2 (a real original name) had a free kick in a dangerous area against Miami FC (not Inter Miami). Miami then made the bold move of allowing Atlanta’s Jackson Conway to run completely unmarked across the face of goal. 

Lemme sing y’all a little song about the legend of Michelle Akers, all based entirely on true events ripped straight from her Instagram timeline.

*classic guitar strums*

Once upon a time in the pre-NWSL U.S.,
women’s soccer was dominated by a lanky, curly haired lass. 

Michelle Akers did it all way back when,
she shared FIFA Player of the Century with China’s Sun Wen.

She won two World Cups and one gold medal,
not too shabby for a girl from just outside Seattle.

Soccer can be a wild game at times, but it becomes even crazier when the Wild enters the game. Animals on the field are infinitely better than when some knucklehead has one too many drinks and runs out from the stands. There will be no fans invading the pitch this time around as we look at the five best animals on soccer fields.

As far as we know, no animals were physically harmed in any of these five videos. We can confirm that No. 4 on the list’s feelings were severely damaged and that an apology better have been issued.

The Houston Dash won their first NWSL title with a 2-0 victory over the Chicago Red Stars in the Challenge Cup final on Sunday in Utah. Shea Groom, a journeywoman midfielder who joined the Dash in the offseason, was named MVP of the final after scoring the second goal, rounding USWNT keeper Alyssa Naeher to seal the win.

Wolverhampton Wanderers winger Adama Traoré is a speed demon on the field and one of the fastest players in the Premier League. His quick turns on a dime and ability to slip through the defense make him a player to be reckoned with.

But he's decided to add a new layer to his game which makes it that much harder to defend against him. What is it, you ask?

It’s not new footwork. It’s not increased fitness. No, it’s much better than that.

Juventus and Brazil left back Danilo offered FIFA his two cents while the governing body’s Twitter page was busy drooling over Cristiano Ronaldo.

One idiotic night an idea came to me that I now regret in every way, shape and form. The concept was to spice up Major League Soccer coverage with the addition of hot peppers. Little did I know that I would soon enter a hellhole of pain, heart burn and the loss of taste buds.

The Philadelphia Union may have defeated the New England Revolution 1-0, but the real loser was the moron watching with the jalapeños.

Zenit St. Petersburg blanked second-division Khimki 1-0 to lift the Russian Cup on Saturday in Yekaterinburg. Well, they lifted it and then promptly dropped it.

As Zenit players celebrated their title, which completed the club’s league/cup double, the trophy was dropped. Because it was made out of glass, it shattered.

«Зенит» так радовался победе в Кубке, что разбил трофей 

As we get ready for the start of the MLS Is Back Tournament knockout rounds, which begin Saturday night, it’s hard not to look back at the craziest moment of the group stage, one we’re still struggling to wrap our heads around.

In a season already filled with insanity, it’s no surprise that there's also been a slew of hilarious and outrageous surprises on the pitch.

Now, most of us would agree that we put professional athletes on a pedestal where they can do no wrong and everything they do is perfect, but what if I told you the 2019-20 season — in all of its absurd glory — produced some of the best bloopers and open-goal misses? Comic relief might be something we all need.