Siphiwe Tshabalala, owner of one of the world's most enjoyable-to-say names, scorer of the opening goal of the 2010 World Cup, has gone and scored one of the most absurd goals we have seen since...well, in a while.
Hoo, boy! What a rip.
We don't really have anything to add, save our love of saying "Tshabalala."
Tshabalala.
Tshabalala.
We're not a website that tends to complain about refereeing decisions, but we think Mohamed Sokhra might have a legitimate grip here.
Sokhra was kind enough to do the ref's job for him by removing a pitch invader from the field, walking the rogue over to the official, gripping the man's collar.
After Sokhra had delivered the hooligan to the proper autorities, the referee tossed him out of the game, just as he had tossed the pitch invader out.
We know. It makes no sense to us either.
Matias Alonso will probably not receive any sympathy from refs in the future after he hurled himself off a stretcher to waste time after "cramping up" in the late stages of Defensor Sporting's 4-3 win over Bolivian side Real Potosi in the Copa Sudamerica.
The term "fish out of water" doesn't really do justice to what Alonso attempts here, but it's the most accurate description we could think of.
It will be interesting to see if this sparks a trend of players flopping out of stretchers like an unsuspecting person being thrown in a pool.
Ronaldinho brought unpredictability to back to the beautiful game. Because he did so, he singlehandedly defined an era for soccer fans. If you started watching soccer between the years of 2004 to 2006, Ronaldinho was IT. He made the English seem boring, the Germans predictable, the Italians rigid. HE MADE THIS COMMERCIAL.
And today all that is gone.
Prior to last weekend's La Liga opener, Gareth Bale was videotaped in slow motion scissor-kicking a soccer ball into a swimming pool.
This likely wasn't a Real Madrid-sanctioned practice activity, but it was still pretty cool. The fact that this is news serves as a reminder (like we needed one) that superstar footballers live wholly different lives than the rest of us.
Maybe he should have practiced scissor-kicking a ball into an actual soccer goal on an actual soccer field, given Real Madrid's 0-0 draw with newly-promoted Sporting Gijon to start the La Liga season.
Zlatan's full smartassery (a word we just made up) was on full display in this Bleacher Report video of Zlatan reading Zlatan facts.
For those unacquanited, Zlatan facts are akin to Chuck Norris facts (Zlatan beat the Mona Lisa in a staring competition, etc). Zlatan, it appears, is in on the joke, which makes the video even better.
The beginning of the video sets the tone:
When Carlos Tevez announced to the world that he would be returning to Argentina last summer to play for his boyhood club, Boca Juniors, many were surprised. They didn’t understand. He was still just 31, they said, far too young for a man of his ability to walk away from Europe. He was arguably Juventus’ top player in his last season, and now he was going to a club and league in which he would fade into obscurity.
Serious question: do you think you could do a dizzy penalty?
Gareth Bale couldn't do it.
Apparently this is a thing now. Players spin around and try and take a penalty and it's hilarious. We don't know why they would do this, but whatever. Minor details.
Look! Liverpool players tried it too! We learned that Joe Gomez is likely a better dizzy defender than a dizzy attacker, among other things.
If Arsenal have exhausted their summer budget and are forced to make some cuts to save money, they know where to find a pilot.
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain may just be their best bet, as te took part in Arsenal's flight simulator challenge a few years ago.
Adidas just made a really cool commercial with Messi, but the commercial's intended message will shock you.
Don't worship Messi, make your own path. That's what Adidas wants. Adidas is sick and tired of people worshipping the athletes it pays untold millions of dollars for in exchange for those athletes endorsing Adidas's products, and Adidas can't take it anymore.
Just watch: